diving deep.


Nothing was consistent. My life was in constant surgery the last few months from moving home to changing career. For the first time I caught my breathe. This past year was exhausting.

That is the perfect word to describe last year: exhaustion.

Instead of stopping there, I ran toward 2018 with peace, joy, and clarity. 

His soft voice spoke. His soft voice said, "dive deep."

take the leap. leap into what stirs your heart. For too long I cradled fear in my arms like a child. But when you let go, you will see the opportunities waiting on the other side. There is nothing to lose. The worst thing that could happen is to hear "no." You can be afraid but do not let fear guide you. 

I feel like diving deep is for you as well. If you're standing in 2018 debating whether or not to take a position, deciding a major, changing your lifestyle, or jumping into a hobby I would say DIVE. Dive into what you are longing for even if you fail. Even if you succeed. Even if you find out that it is not what you want. Through test and trial, you find what moves your heart. What brings you joy. What wakes you up every morning. You will find what keeps you swimming. In all of this, there is no right or wrong. It's all about figuring it out.

Another meaning in diving deep, for me, is to deeply know God. I am not perfect. I am so far from perfect. I am so flawed and scarred. I keep bruises close to my chest. I hold onto pain as a bed comforter. My photo album contains begrudging memories, hate, regret, and shame. So, I handed everything over waiting to be graded in His love. 

But today I walk to Him and accept my diploma of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. 

Because He wants nothing more than us. simply you. 

To recap all of this,
the first dive is knowing Jesus deeper. I don't desire to miracles. I don't desire answer prayers. I desire His heart. Who He is. I desire to fully know Him. 

the second dive is to take the risk and opportunities even if no one believes in you. Even when everyone else is saying 'no.' He is saying YES as long as you dive with trust and faith knowing that if you drown He will pull you up. 

Stay Golden!